Here, hold my wine....
We built this house sixteen years ago and have never had a mouse in the house. Not one. Until last weekend.
We started hearing him last Saturday. We searched and searched but couldn’t find him. Sunday, I found he had gotten into the bread. I’ve been on a mission to catch him since then.
Picture Bill Murray in Caddy shack.
I made a special trip to town to buy some of those sticky mouse traps because the two snap traps we had just weren’t doing it. I bought eight of those sticky traps.
By the time Bruce got home, I’d set two of them in the kitchen. I left the rest for Bruce to decide where to put. But, it would have to wait until we got home from a birthday party.
Bruce got his shower taken and we were ready to leave. I had my clothes laid out on the bed so when he was ready, all I needed to do was go back, brush my teeth and get dressed.
I headed back to the bedroom. I pulled off my jammies (yes, I wear jammies all day) and headed for the master bathroom. As I switched on the light, that mouse darted in front of me.
Of course I screamed like a girl. - Wouldn’t you?
I stepped back and jammed my hip into the dresser. It hurt like hell. I realized that I was doing my familiar “barn jig” in my underwear and started giggling.
Bruce came running into the bedroom. I pointed at the bathroom. “The mouse attacked me. He’s in there. Get it.”
He turned and left the room, returning a few seconds later with the broom. (Now why didn’t I think of that?)
He gingerly stepped into the bathroom. He pulled the bottom drawer of the vanity open.
“I think he’s behind the toilet.” I said.
Bruce reached down and moved the toilet brush holder. The mouse jumped out. Bruce jumped into the shower.
I started giggling again. Bruce gave me that look that I’m pretty sure scares the heck out of people at work, but it don’t scare me.
The mouse ran to the vanity and jumped in the open drawer. It was obvious that Bruce did not want to pull the drawer the rest of the way open. He stood and stared at it as if, by staring, the drawer would slide open and hand him the mouse. Magic just doesn’t work like that.
“Come on,” I said. I’ll take this side, you take the other.”
Together we slid the draw open. The mouse rushed madly around inside the drawer. Between bars of soap, over a couple old brushes that I never use anymore, but didn’t want to throw away (just in case..), a couple boxes of big bandages, and Bruce’s old electric shaver. As the mouse jumped over a bar of Coast soap towards Bruce, he shoved the drawer shut. (Who’s the girl now?)
When we opened the drawer back up, the mouse was gone. We had to remove the drawer (together). Once we got it off the tracks, and pulled it out, the mouse jumped out of the cabinet, dashed in front of me causing me to do that barn jig again (in my underwear) and darted into the bedroom. I watched it race along the pedestal of the bed and streak to the front where it disappeared in the nether regions of under-the-bed land.
By now, we were late for the party. I told Bruce to get all the sticky traps and bring them in while I got dressed. ALL of them. Not two or three. I wanted the floor covered in sticky traps.
By the time I got dressed, he’d assembled what looked like a war zone with sticky traps. If the mouse came out from under the bed, there was no way it could get past the sticky traps. He’d also brought the snap trap in and was holding it, trying to decide where to put it.
“Dear,” I rolled my eyes. “That’s just a little bit of overkill. He can’t get past the sticky traps. We don’t need that snap trap in here. I’m afraid one of us will forget it’s there and step on it.”
He gave me that “Don’t mess with me” look and set the trap on HIS side of the bed. “Just in case.” He said as he flipped the light switch off.
“Just in case is stupid. There is no way that mouse could get past those sticky traps.”
We got to the party a little late. Had a good time. Ate some good food, and then left a little early (just in case we had to disassemble the bed before retiring).
I kicked my boots off at the front door and crept down the hallway to the bedroom. I flipped the light switch on. There lay my dead mouse.
In the snap trap.
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