Once Upon a Time Mommy Was a Night Writer...

Gone are the days I could sip on wine and write into the wee hours of the night. In those childless years, I wrote only when inspiration struck, which looking back wasn’t often. I blamed work for not making writing a priority. I have a new job title these days. The pay is zilch, actually it costs money, but the rewards…priceless. Being a mommy definitely compromises my writing time. It has also forced me to be disciplined and more efficient. Hours alone with my thoughts are rare, therefore precious and must be used wisely. 

So can you have small children and write? Yes! Here are just a few tips I’ve picked up while writing with a two year old and another on the way.

1.) Prioritize your writing. If writing is your passion, it’s something that is yours and you need this. You’ll be a better parent for it. It is important. If you’re like me, you just feel better when you write. Writing is like little therapy sessions for your soul. Take time for you. 

2.) Schedule your writing time and stick to it. You no longer have the luxury to wait for inspiration. Your sticky fingered snuggle bug dictates your writing time now. If you don’t use it, you’ll likely lose it. If you think you can get to it after they go down for bed…come on. Let’s be honest, after you sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star it won’t be long before your head finds the nearest pillow. 

3.) Watch your night writing. If you do find yourself late night writing, all night writing should be avoided at all cost. Unless, you’re in your twenties. If you’re not, don’t try it. Trust me on this. You’ll end up enduring what feels much like a hangover you can’t shake, which means you’ll most likely sleep away your writing time. If this happens, whatever you do, do not pull another all night jam session to make up for lost writing time. Stop the cycle before it starts, that yellow brick road leads to a place called Insomnia. 

4.) Just write. If you simply stare at a blank screen, waiting for the words to flow, you will have wasted valuable time. Write. Even if you write, “I don’t know what to write.” Write! Or plan what to write. Brainstorm. Cluster. Write dialog only. Free write. Use a prompt. Write. Write with pen, paper and timer. Write. Do not waste your time writing a sentence, only to let you internal editor delete it, rewrite and delete yet again. Push yourself. Sand must be in the sandbox in order to build a castle.

5.) Embrace the chaos. Your scheduled writing time isn’t guaranteed. Things happen. Kids get sick, wake up early, stay up late, refuse to nap…hiccups in your schedule will happen as often as your newborn gets the hiccups. My tiny tot is currently driving his monster truck along my screen and demanding I turn on Alvin. Learn to write in the chaos. It’s not easy. It requires stopping and starting again, which is difficult and far from ideal. I know. Trust me, I know. When you have little ones, sometimes that’s all you going to get. You may have to get creative to embrace writing this way. Try writing or clustering on giant sheets of paper, give your toddler a sheet too and deem it Creativity Hour. You won’t find me judging if you give your tiny tot a happy hour with Mickey Mouse and a big sippy cup of chocolate milk.

The truth is my son has changed the way I write, but for the better. I watch him go after what he wants, when it’s difficult,  he struggles. I tell him, “You can do it. You can do it.” He keeps trying and chants, “I can do it. I do it.” When I want to throw darts at my scene cards, when I want to quit, I think of him and what I would tell him. I want him to know I chased my dreams. I worked hard when things weren’t easy. I kept going when what I wrote wasn’t very good. I worked to get better. No one is going to sharpen your tools for you, it’s up to you. And isn’t that the kind of drive you want to see in your children? 

Be their example but do it for you. If you want it bad enough, you can write with small children pulling on all your limbs. You can figure out how to pursue your dreams amongst the beautiful, sticky chaos. You can do it. Write on my writer friends! 

We’d love to hear from you. Do you struggle to find the right balance between your writing and work and/or family life? Have your children inspired you to write again? Any advice for parents trying to balance writing, work and family?